Thursday, May 7, 2009

Incest is Best (if you're a backwoods fuckup.)

Dear Jesus,

I'm almost ashamed to write this, but I have an addiction. Every morning, before I take my shower, I slap my ham to Mother/Sister incest porn. Afterward, I beat myself with a leather belt. It has a metal buckle that stings so good.
Something is clearly wrong with me. What I'm asking is this. Have you ever hooked up with your Mom or Sister? Or Both? Oh yeah, tell me! Yeah yeah,!!!..............
whew, I'm sleepy now.


Dear Anonymous,

What you have is a common fetish for incest. I'd love to help you out, but I find it pretty disgusting myself. However, I've informed the local sex offender registry of your whereabouts in Liberty, South Carolina, and you should be getting a visit from a police officer within the hour.
Thanks for writing in.

Your Friend on Earth and in Heaven,
Jesus Soundwave Christ

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