Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Talkative Sheep-Fucking Fanboy

Dear J-man...

1)Are you concerned at all that your advice column will be seen as distracting from your main role as savior of the free-world ?

2)When you stub your toe doing stuff around the Hall of Justice, whose name do you take in vain when hopping around like a MF...

3)I think some of my co-workers might "swing from the other side of the plate"... can you provide some sort of divine light over their head, so I know who to point at and call "Rump Wrangler" ?

4)I think Michael Bay should make a movie about your life story... you could be like, walking thru New York as a fucking 200 foot tall glowing pious dude, shooting the non-believers with your death rays while battling big fucking robot Muslims, to a backing soundtrack of Creed music. Hook it up, Jesus...

5)Taste great or Less filling ? Spit or Swallow ?

Thanks for all of your help...

Sheepless in Montana

Dear Sheepless,

1) Don't question my methods. I work in mysterious ways.

2) When I'm not yelling "Ow I broke my fuckin' toe!", I've been known to say "Son of Jor-El!" Gives the fanboy Christians a big chub.

3)The best way to determine this is to wait in the bathroom for one of them to come in. Tap your toe and whistle a little tune in the next stall. If he lets you suck his dick, welcome to the club.

4) Ugh, Dad no! Michael Bay is a tool of the Devil! A big tool!

5)I can turn jizz into wine. And I get drunk A LOT.

Your Sexual Savior,
Jesus H. Christ

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