Friday, June 5, 2009

Let's get Biblical! Biblical! I wanna get Biblical!

Dear Jesus,

I can't seem to make sense of this video:

Is this true? Is my one wife is not enough?


One Man & One Woman?

Dearest One,

The Bible was written by men who had my father's words flow through their arms to their quills, or chisels, or crayons, or whatever the fuck they used to write with. There is no room for interpretation there. Clearly, if you are straight, you should be married to as much poon tang as you can shake your schlong at. But no gay marriage. If there's a girl you like who doesn't like you back, go ahead and rape her. Then she'll have to marry you. But no gay marriage. Got a sexy maid? Bang her while your wife watches. But no gay marriage. How about that hot sister of yours? Nail her! But no gay marriage. Not able to get it up anymore. Let your son step up to bat with your wife.
Now, if you want my opinion, I say that's some fucked up shit there. I mean, where's the bible verses about birth defects due to inbreeding, or about how maybe the girl who was raped doesn't want to marry her rapist. The sexy maid thing doesn't sound so bad, as long as all three of you are into it. But what the fuck does it matter if someone uses the word "marriage" when two people who love each other, who happen to have the same genitalia, want to join themselves together in life? It's not like the word "marriage" doesn't get used for other things, like companies working together, or the toppings on a pizza, or the combination of features on a DVD player.
Last but not least, my father is a gaping cockhole. Fuck you dad!

Polyamourously Yours,
Jesus H. Christ