Friday, June 5, 2009

Let's get Biblical! Biblical! I wanna get Biblical!

Dear Jesus,

I can't seem to make sense of this video:

Is this true? Is my one wife is not enough?


One Man & One Woman?

Dearest One,

The Bible was written by men who had my father's words flow through their arms to their quills, or chisels, or crayons, or whatever the fuck they used to write with. There is no room for interpretation there. Clearly, if you are straight, you should be married to as much poon tang as you can shake your schlong at. But no gay marriage. If there's a girl you like who doesn't like you back, go ahead and rape her. Then she'll have to marry you. But no gay marriage. Got a sexy maid? Bang her while your wife watches. But no gay marriage. How about that hot sister of yours? Nail her! But no gay marriage. Not able to get it up anymore. Let your son step up to bat with your wife.
Now, if you want my opinion, I say that's some fucked up shit there. I mean, where's the bible verses about birth defects due to inbreeding, or about how maybe the girl who was raped doesn't want to marry her rapist. The sexy maid thing doesn't sound so bad, as long as all three of you are into it. But what the fuck does it matter if someone uses the word "marriage" when two people who love each other, who happen to have the same genitalia, want to join themselves together in life? It's not like the word "marriage" doesn't get used for other things, like companies working together, or the toppings on a pizza, or the combination of features on a DVD player.
Last but not least, my father is a gaping cockhole. Fuck you dad!

Polyamourously Yours,
Jesus H. Christ


  1. Whoa. Gee, you're gonna have a lotta gobba repentance to do, brudda. TotallyGorgeousGirly though in the video. I'd love to kiss her lovely feet in Heaven. You can watch, too, just need to repent. So easy to enter Heaven --- If you think of it in this perspective, you’ll swiftly come to the conclusion we all have a short time to live, we ALL will croak at some point in our lifelong demise, thus, our indelible spirit rises-up to meet our Maker - absolutely nuthin we can do bout that: our soul wants to be loved, nourished, enveloped, return-to-her-maker-thing. Jesus doesn't have a sign outside of Heaven saying, 'Those who don't believe? C’est la guerre. C'mon in. Guess I wasn’t as forthright as Marvel Comix'. Be on the pro-LIFE-eration side, don't be on the side which'll swiftly LET/LEAD you down. I’m a small 'peAce-de-resistance' of a Larger Picture: give your soul that final chance. Repent and believe. God bless you with discernment.

  2. You rock, bro!! Why did you keep my post? That was ages ago!!! I thot you were a hardcore atheist (as the atheistbloggers proclaim). Naughty-naughty. Nevertheless, now that Jebus is opening the Door to thy mortal mind, however, lemme explain sumtin. A few thoughts which shall influence U.S. to reach for Utopia no matter what the cost: FOUR!! blogs which tell of the exxxcitement Heaven Above has to offer, which is an eternity of pleasure-beyond-measure; we ROTE {theeyebeam} to show a true story about sex in Heaven after we croak (apparently, most of U.S. are completely unaware of this fact). C'mon, people. The Liar's a deceiver: absolutely no sex in Hell amid the flames, filth and fuglyness, yet, puh-lenty of sssEX! Upstairs for those who want some. And why not?? Doesn’t God say anything and everything’s possible?? Yeah. Thot so. God bless you. Meet me Upstairs where you’ll be 17 and I will be 21 for the length and breadth of eternity --- ‘God only gives bawls to those who see the need for humility’ -blessed holy socks